“Are you safe?”
*puzzled* “Meaning?”
“Are you practising safe sex?”
“I’m not promiscuous!”
“That’s not the point. If you are sexually active, you should be sure. Not just for your own good, but for the safety of whoever you’re with.”

That could probably be the words from a HIV/AIDS radio campaign, but it can also be a casual conversation between friends. Many people know of the existence and danger of HIV, but not everyone think twice about finding out more.

It could be that in the Malaysian society, the general public or media (and government) don’t talk much about it. It’s always left to the NGO’s to deal with it.

When I was younger, my first impression of HIV/AIDS was a TV advertisement in the middle of Alien on TV2. I vividly remembered the ad because of its strong visual: a pair of cupped hands, scooping up sand and seeing the sand trickle away at the point where the two hands meet. And it had a voice-over which said something like: “AIDS kill. Don’t be infected, or your life will trickle away slowly.”

I was 9 years old then. In school, I learned about how HIV is dangerous and if you’re positive, you will be stereotyped and stigmatised by society for being a drug addict or a sex worker. It was not until recent years that I have been better exposed to the truth behind this virus.

I’ve had the privilege of being part of a HIV/AIDS campaign that aimed to create a sense of awareness among the youth of today. I learned that even if you have sex with only one person your whole life, you still stand a risk of getting infected.

Even if you are having a sexual relationship with someone you have known for a long time, someone you believe is never ever a drug addict or prostitute, there is still a risk- because you are not just having a relationship with that particular person, but you’re also having a relationship with that person’s history.

HIV is transmittable, you never know who your partner has slept with prior to you. I also learned that 100% honesty from your partner doesn’t necessarily translate to him/her being HIV-negative.

I’m constantly talking about the risk of HIV infection from a sexual relationship because my experience grows from there. Of course, HIV is transmittable through various forms, such as, sharing of needles, mother-to-child infection, transfusion of infected blood.

I remembered very clearly, the safe sex campaign I was working on about 10 months ago. I was really gungho about dishing out HIV education to the public and the importance of getting tested. I was so caught up with the whole campaign and glad to be working alongside people who have been championing for this cause for the longest time: Malaysian AIDS Council & PT Foundation.

In between free times and casual chats with the volunteers from the NGO, it hit me that I could also be at risk because of my relationship history. Yet, I was convinced then that I didn’t need to be tested as I’ve never had any promiscuous relationship with anyone.

It bugged me. The fact that I was verbally championing for people to be better aware of this issue and taking precautions to help them stay safe, while I myself have not been cautious entirely. After I was done with the campaign, I kept telling myself that I should get tested, if not for myself, but also for whoever I’m with.

Ten months have passed, I’ve found ways to delay going for a free testing at PT Foundation, from work committments to time management issues. Some of my friends have gone for it, and told me of the relatively simple procedure and immense support service given by PT Foundation, but I’ve always found it hard to make that choice to go.

I think it was fear. Fear of knowing how my results would turn out. Maybe if I had not been sexually active, I would have gone for the test without thinking twice,without a single worry in my mind. I convinced myself I was safe because I’m sure all my partners were good people, they were not punks or people who would dabble in vice activities.

So, there was always this possibility that I could somehow be infected along the way by one of my partners who probably had more than one relationship. I found it easier to preach than to take action; but I’ve always wanted to do this test.

When I saw the notice about a journalist looking for someone to undergo a HIV test, I thought it was the right time for me to do it. I think it was great that this campaign materialised because people always think about taking precations, but not much emphasis have been given to the testing.

For someone to undergo the test, it cannot be forced. It must be done voluntarily. There is really no point in making someone do the test if he/she is not ready. When a person agrees willingly to it, it is then that the test and knowledge about HIV is most effective. It means that the person wants a better life for him/herself, and he/she knows that it is their own way of doing humanity a good deed.

One of the reason that HIV is so widespread is because many people who might be infected have not gone for testing, and they continue to practise unsafe ways ie sharing of needles, having unsafe sex, which in turn, infects people around them. I think it is time people start to realize how this impacts the world.

I wanted to face my own demons and hope to share my experience with others through this campaign. I believe there are many who think like me. And I would really want them to know it’s ok to be afraid, but it is very crucial  to be tested.

I did it not just for my own knowledge, but I did it because I want to be a responsible partner to whoever I’m with. I don’t want to just stay safe, but I want my loved ones to be safe as well.

They said science cannot go wrong, so we’ll see how my result turns out. *wink, fingers-crossed*.