My grandfather story
March 24th, 2010 | Published in Ian-ything Goes | 27 Comments
A COUPLE of weeks ago, I listened to my grandfather’s life story for the first time.
Now I know a lot of people aren’t really into “grandfather stories”, but if they had listened to one the way I had to, maybe they’d think differently.
Over the last couple of months, the Selayang Hospital in Selangor has been like my second home.
It’s not much of a home, really. The hallways feel cold and uninviting, the air smells sterile and the people look mostly miserable.
But that’s where Yee Yook Son, my grandfather, would have to spend his last days struggling with leukaemia, and where I would finally hear the remarkable story of his life.
I don’t think it was the ideal way to have heard it, being stuck in a hospital ward.
My extended family worked together to make sure someone was by his side 24/7, especially at night when one of us would sleep over on this rickety steel deck chair the hospital provided. He was too weak to be alone, but that wasn’t why we were there. He had always been an incredibly kind, selfless person. We all owed so much to him, and we wanted to be with him.
Some of my aunts and nieces spending time with my grandfather at the hospital. All of us visited him almost every day.
We made it a habit of bringing his favourite food every day. One night he was in the mood for thosai, so I brought some after work with some teh tarik.
Eating at that unhomely ward with my brother and aunt somehow got his spirits up, so my brother Elroi (yes, that’s a real name) got him talking about what life was like when he was younger.
As he shared things like where he grew up and when he got married, he started to recall the terrible period during the Malayan Emergency.
Both his parents were betrayed and killed by communists when he was a teenager, and when he had his own family, it was a constant struggle just to put food on the table.
He had a job as a police officer and still remembers that it paid exactly RM141.70 a month, a small amount even back then, and he had 10 children and several relatives to care for.
My grandfather used to work for the police, and the pay was always just enough for him and his family to get by.
“It is a terrible thing to have to live during a war,” he said.
But then he told us a story that would leave an indelible mark on me.
Many years ago, he walked past a toy shop with his eldest son, my father, still a little boy at the time. Naturally, my father stopped to have a look. But my grandfather, knowing he couldn’t afford it, had to say no to his son, who started to cry and refused to leave.
At that point in the story of his life, my grandfather broke down in tears.
“It was only one or two ringgit, but I just couldn’t buy it for him,” he said as a pained expression took over his face and the tears rolled down.
He had survived the death of his parents and an entire war, but it was the memory of not being able to give his son some of the joys of childhood that really broke his heart.
Not long after that story, he started to feel tired. I took the chance to tell him just before he slept that everything we had as a family we owed to him, that we all loved him, and for that, he should have no regrets.
That turned out to be the last conversation we had.
He was too weak to talk during my next two visits, and there was a stretch of three days when I couldn’t visit due to work. I promised myself once I returned from an assignment in Penang, I would go straight to the hospital with a packet of the nasi beriyani he had been craving for.
Early one morning in Penang, around 7.30am, I got a phone call from an aunt, who was in tears. He had just passed away.
He had told my father he didn’t want a funeral. He didn’t want us to make a big fuss out of it and “mah fan” (inconvenience) others who’d have to attend. He just wanted to be cremated, and have his ashes thrown into a river.
And because he wouldn’t have a tombstone to bear his final words to his family, he wrote them on a piece of paper for us.
Written in Chinese verse, the first part said: “No matter how strong the love between father and child, husband and wife, there comes a time to part”. He was a traditional Chinese father, and that was his way of telling his family he loved them, without having to actually say it.
The second part can be summed up as: “A sum of a life should be in hard work, and a family in togetherness”.
Together, as a grieving but happy family, we all gave grandad the grand funeral he didn’t want, but completely deserved. That was the Sunday before last.
Sometimes after work, I still find myself making plans to go to the hospital, to sleep on that deck chair again, to listen to his stories, or bring him nasi beriyani. But then I realise there’s just nothing there anymore.
All that’s left is the memory of his story, a memory which I fear will fade over time. That’s why I’ve written it down here, so that my grandfather’s story, his remarkable life, will live on forever.
March 24th, 2010at 1:30 pm(#)
May he rest in peace.
March 25th, 2010at 8:03 am(#)
May he rest in peace
March 25th, 2010at 8:45 am(#)
It is good to know that we still have young people who value the way of life of our grandparents.
May he rest in peace.
March 25th, 2010at 10:23 am(#)
I found his words inspiring when he said this “A sum of a life should be in hard work, and a family in togetherness”. You have a great grandfather.
May he rest in peace.
March 25th, 2010at 10:41 am(#)
Take care, i’m sure your grandfather love his family and also know all of his member love him.
No matter where he is his story,spirit and love will always be with your family.
May he rest in peace.
March 25th, 2010at 11:40 am(#)
I wish I had the same spirit as your late grandfather. This is a true Malaysian hero. You have trully lived your live as a real Man. Tabik hormat utk Yee Yook Son.
March 26th, 2010at 9:15 am(#)
Rest in Peace
March 26th, 2010at 1:31 pm(#)
May he rest in peace.
March 26th, 2010at 2:11 pm(#)
Your story brought tears to my eyes.. having a dad in his last days too… You should be at peace within yourself, knowing you gave him everything he could have wanted, mainly love and your time. May he rest in peace, and may you and your family be at peace too. God bless.
March 26th, 2010at 3:29 pm(#)
you should be appreciate cos u still hv time to chat with ur grandfather, while my grandfather was admitted to hospital, he cant speak cos he hv pipe/tub in his throat.
His last wishes is just want to hv a roti canai, this small wishes we also cant fulfill him alto we can hv it everyday and whenever we like
May he rest in peace and may god will always by his side !!!
March 26th, 2010at 3:45 pm(#)
sorry, should be by our grandfather side !!!
March 26th, 2010at 6:27 pm(#)
u had a great granfather…
may herest in peace…
the person that we love most may lost from the sight but will stay alive in our heart always.
March 26th, 2010at 11:13 pm(#)
May he rest in peace.
Your grandfathers stories were really great.
It made tears drop from my eyes. So inspirational.
God will always be by his side.
March 27th, 2010at 11:18 am(#)
may he rest in peace…
when i read your story, i remember my late grandma.
she had been involved in an accident just in front of a mosque.
how much that i missed her…
March 27th, 2010at 11:58 am(#)
Enjoyed your story much, thanks for sharing it with us. Take heart that the whole family was with him through the end, that’s what counts.
March 27th, 2010at 12:01 pm(#)
may he rest in peace. this is a really good entry. It brought tears to my eyes. Your story reminds me of my late grandpa. And it made me miss my grandma which I love most and that I haven’t call her in a while. I’m gonna go call her now!
March 28th, 2010at 12:27 am(#)
Really feel touched reading this. May your grandfather rest in peace…
March 28th, 2010at 5:12 pm(#)
sorry for your lost. Hope you will take his story and use it as way to improve and motivate you
March 28th, 2010at 6:40 pm(#)
It is obvious your father was an honest policeman. Most policeman are quite well off nowadays. You have mnuch to be proud of him
April 1st, 2010at 5:49 pm(#)
Such a beautiful thing sharing this with us.
Thank you
April 1st, 2010at 7:15 pm(#)
I miss him too.
April 2nd, 2010at 3:04 am(#)
Hey dude, i am touched…(speechless) It is one of the most touching stories I’ve ever read in a long time. I would like to congratulate you for being able to have shared such profound love with your grandpa. =) stay strong cuz he is watching you become a great man.
April 2nd, 2010at 5:52 pm(#)
As time pass your grandfather’s memory will always remain in the hearts of those who’s lives he had touched. How I wanted to visit him but distance and time wouldn’t let me. My heart grieves and at the same rejoices hearing that he is now with in the loving arms of his Father.
April 4th, 2010at 12:31 pm(#)
I bounced on your blog while looking for ‘grandfather story time’.
Could you get more nostalgic blogs you could by proxy from the old photos and stories from your grandfather for us to share.
Thanks.
August 24th, 2011at 5:48 pm(#)
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRiveric & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
October 29th, 2011at 9:11 pm(#)
I dont believe Ive seen all of the angles of this subject the way youve pointed them out. Youre a true star, a rock star man. Youve got so considerably to say and know so much about the topic that I believe you must just teach a class about it
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